S o I went downtown with my good friend Adam on Saturday night and to say that we had a few drinks would be an understatement. And going into it I knew that this would be the case and that we would probably be out til all hours of the morning, as is usually what happens when I'm out with him.
So before I headed down to the city I stopped at the ol 7-11 to gas up the Pointiac and buy my caffeine-helper, Diet Dr. Pepper (Which really deserves more press- it's delicious). Now that 7-11's have been taken over by the producers of the Simpsons, I am, of course, very distracted by the Squishees, Buzz Cola and whatnot. This also puts me in a buying mood. But I can't drink Squishees as my pancreas will jump out of my body and punch me in the neck and Buzz Cola, sorry to say, doesn't hold a candle to the Dr. Pep. So I started in on the novelty lighters. Last time I was in a 7-11 shopping spree I picked up a talking Elvis lighter that was more than a little diasppointing because all it says is "This is Elvis Presley. Thank you, thank you very much" and not "Oh, Sarah, I know I've been dead for 30 years, but now that you're single again would you come to Memphis for a visit?". So, that was just far from a cool novelty purchase.
They did, however, have hot dog lighters. I almost bought one, but I pictured it dropping out my purse one day and someone mistaking it for a midget's dildo and I just couldn't handle that kind of embarassment right now.
So I grabbed the next thing I saw. "Chaser". You know that horrible commercial with guy sitting at the kitchen table looking like a zombie who got in a fight with a garbage truck and his SKANKY looking wife telling him he should have taken Chaser before he went out drinking the night before? Available at Walgreens, CVS and other fine stores? Like 7-11?
I bought it. And I took it with a glass of water as we started off our night with a Tequila sampler and the first of many margaritas I would drink with dinner. And then came the Miller High Life, the champagne of beers, which I drink lovingly because its taste brings back memories of my first directing success of "True West" during which the cast and I would drink High Life out the can at rehearsals in order to accumulate enough empty cans to use as props. Those cans glistened gold and red under the lights. It was a proud moment.
We drank for SEVEN hours. I went to sleep at 3:30. I woke up at 6:45. NO HANGOVER. A little tired from the lack of sleep, but still, NO HANGOVER. (I didn't smoke at all either which was a WONDERFUL feeling- to wake up without feeilng like I had swallowed an ash tray and my hair still smelling like my shampoo- so I'm sure that helped, too). I even had enough energy to take my kids- BY MYSELF- to the Kane County Fair (yep- the 4-H stuff and the carnies and cotton candy and everything) and not lose my mind. I did almost lose my lunch on the "Pumpkin Scrambler", though, but I think that was because I had just eaten- not because I had 12 gallons of alcohol floating around inside of me.
Chaser fucking works! i can't believe it. I will never ever ever go out drinking again without it and neither should you. Go buy some today, you drunk.
No comments:
Post a Comment