More ways to practice for parenthood....
1. Watch gory movies. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Prom night 1 (Not that lame "Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou") or any other movie that has more blood than dialogue will do. These will help desensitize you to the massive amount of blood that comes along with a head wound.
2. Start referring to yourself in the 3rd person. "Sarafina would like a taco supreme without tomatoes". "Sarafina hasn't showered in 4 days". "Sarafina is so wasted and yes Sarafina would love another Pinot Grigio".
3. On a day when you are having company over, take a red crayon and write your name on your living room wall in 4'x4' letters. Become friends with the 'Magic Eraser".
4. If you're a woman, pour thick liquids down your cleavage once in awhile. If you're a man, ask your best friend to punch you in the balls once a week.
5. Go to your favorite restaurant. Ask for 10 packages of oyster crackers, 2 packs of crayons, and a plate covered in ketchup. Throw it all on the floor, scream obscenities at the top of your lungs then try to walk out like nothing happened.
Getting closer! you're gonna be great...
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