Actually a story from 2005, but needed to be rewritten and posted. Everything is true. God bless the CPD
So- I had the scariest thing happen to me last night.........ready?.here
goes........................I had been at Duffy's on Diversey with Gina (in
town from L.A.), Carrie Bruno, Dez, Damian, Melissa and Adamczak. I was
driving, so thank God I had not been drinking. I had to leave about 1:30 cause, well, I
have kids and I have to be an adult, right?
SO I leave them all there and get on my way. I go west on Diversey and
right before I get to Ashland I think "hmm....the projects are coming up
soon, I'm going to turn right on Ashland and take it up to Addison and take
that to 90. "SO, I turn right and go North a couple blocks when BLAM! My
driver's side window explodes- fucking BLOWS UP. So I start freaking out
because I've just been shot at. I tear out of there like a bat out of hell.
There's glass flying everywhere- I'm screaming crying- I try to call all of
those guys still at the bar- I finally get ahold of Joe- but what the hell
do I expect him to do? So......I get off the phone with him (and now I've
sent everyone into a panic- and it was both Carrie and Melissa's birthdays-
nice of me to cause drama when they're having drunken fun). I have no idea
where there's a police station except in my old neighborhood, so I drive all
the way to Pulaski and Irving Park. I didn't want to stop because I had no
idea where this gun fire came from- no idea if I was being followed- and I
was completely alone. I had a cab driver who had pulled up next to me at a
light in a worried frenzy because here I am- this chick screaming crying
with glass all over her driving around Chicago.
Well, here's the conversation I had at the police station with come beat
cops and "Wojohowitz", the cop who was very pissed off to be on desk duty
that night......
ME: (Getting out of my car and running into the police station, covered in
glass, black make up all over my face, flip flops flopping in pure panic)
(to cop #1): Can you please help me?
COP #1: (walking John Wayne style slow up to me) What's wrong?
ME: I think I was just shot at- can you please look at my car?
COP #1: *SIGH* Sure.
We go back outside with his partner- a 5'2" asian dude who looked lkike
Bobby what's his name from Mad TV and all I could think of was his Connie
Chung.
They turn on their mag lites and kind of look in the car- didn't open any
doors or anything.
COP #2: You can go to the car wash down the street- they have vaccuums.
ME: Um......I realy don't feel like going to a car wash at 2 a.m.
COP #1: Well, we could follow you and watch to make sure you're OK.
ME: I think I'll handle it later.
COP #2: Probably just random gun fire. You can either go inside and file a
report or call 311.
ME: (INNER MONOLOGUE) 311? The grafitti number? Are you out of your
MIND???????????????? I WAS JUST ALMOST
MURDERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
COP #1: Yeah, just vaccuum that up and call your insurance tomorrow after
you file the report.
ME: I think I'll file it here and now. I really don't feel like getting in
the car just yet.
COP #2: (Says something to the effect of) Suit Yourself
So I walk back in- keep in mind that I am still crying like a baby at this
point- I walk up to Wojohowitz- seriously the dude was the Polish missing
link- he doesn't look up from his BOOK he is reading.
ME: Excuse me
W: (doesn't say a damn thing- just looks at me)
ME: Can I file this report with you?
W: What's it for?
ME: I was shot at through my driver's side window.
W: Where'd it happen?
ME: A little North of Diversey on Ashland.
W: Diversey and Ashland?
ANOTHER COP, (we'll call him Fish): That's 19th District. They're at Belmont
and Western
ME: You want me to drive to Belmont and Western?
FISH: That's their district. You should have gone there.
ME: You know, if you guys are too busy here to help me, I'll call 311 and
file the report.
W: No, that's fine.
ME: I'm sorry, I'm just really shaken up
W: (In the most SARCASTIC, CONDESCENDING TONE OF ALL TIME) You want me to
call you an ambulance? (And laughs)
ME: Please, no.
W: What was the address where this happened?
ME: I don't know- 2 blocks North of Diversey on Ashland.
W: Well, I need an address.
ME: I have no idea
W: Well, I NEED an ADDRESS.
ME: Diversey and Ashland!
He throws down his pencil and goes and asks onE of the other officers about
the address situation
He comes back
W: I'm just going to say 2800 North Ashland. Is that OK?
ME: Absolutely-knock yourself out
FISH: Yeah- that was probably (eats a bite of a sandwich) just gunfire from
the projects over there.
ME: Well, that makes me feel better (nervous laugh)
W: What's your home phone number? Area code first.
ME: 224-569-2677
W: 224?
ME: Yeah- they ran out of 847 numbers
I have to repeat the number to him 6 times until he gets it right.
He then finishes the report on the computer with the help of THREE other
officers- and at one point they actually mistakenly called 9-1-1. How that
happened, I'll never know.
After 15 minutes- and I'm still crying- freaked out - and NO ONE has said
"are you OK" or even a good ol "Calm Down melodramatic woman". Unbelievable.
This is the state of the world.
Anyway, he hands me a carbon copy
W: your report number is (insert any number here, preferably 666)
He then pulls his book back out and continues where he left off
ME: Is that it?
W: yeah. You can go.
FISH: Oh- there's a car wash down the street where you can go vaccuum up the
glass.
ME: Thanks.
I go outside and begin the process of getting the glass off of my seat and
the dashboard so I don't blind myself on the way home with shards of flying
glass
COP #3: (following me outside) so you're from Elgin?
ME: No, actually, I live in Huntley now
COP #3: Well, nothing's going to happen to you out there, is it? (Laughs)
ME: Well, we'll see (As I'm now picking up glass off the street so no one
gets a flat tire)
COP #3: You'd better hurry back out to the country. It's going to rain.
ME: (Looking right at him and bugging my eyes out)
YAAAAAAAAY........YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
COP #3:(Just looks at me blankly and turns to walk to his car)
I get the hell out of there and drive 40 minutes home with the window down and it's cold.
